All the good ones are...

(a)...gay?
(b)...married?
(c)...taken?
(d) a and b
(e) all of the above ?!?!?
(Here comes the foreshadowed venting!)

I made it through 5+ years of being gay without ever hooking-up with a married man. That includes 4+ years in San Francisco. Mostly I just had to hope for (a) and against (c). Except for a few days in San Francisco or a recent visit to Massachusetts, (b) and therefore (d) were rarely a problem with the boyz.

Until I moved to San Diego. I met a nice guy out, took him to Martini's for a date, and noticed a ring on his left index finger. Turned out he was military, and in a "marriage of convenience" to a colleague to get more money and better housing. Not much more to say about this one -- he just quit calling. (See The $25,000 Pyramid) I did run into him at Martini's a few weeks ago. He came up and acted like I hadn't called him. He wanted my number again. As Blondie would say, I'm still "Hangin' on the Telephone".

So I met another guy, this time at a bachelor auction at The Brass Rail (neither of us was on the block). Same story - military, married, not really together. He wasn't married to a random colleague, but to his best (female) friend. This one may have ended with more of a whimper -- we texted/emailed about getting together for a third date, but it never happened. Then we got busy with our own stuff. I say may have because I ran into him in LA, so we'll see.

On to my most recent crush. We hooked up once (a good story to which I'll be getting) and we've been messaging each other for about 6 weeks. He said he wanted to go out again, but was very busy. To his credit, he almost always returns texts or calls -- only it's a day later, usually combining an apology for the night before with a reason he's busy tonight. Two weeks into this, I saw him out. Under the influence of liquid courage, I flat out asked him, "Are you busy or not interested? Because if your not interested, just tell me and I'll leave you alone. If you're really interested but busy, I'll wait, because I know what it's like to be busy."

"I'm interested. Really!" he said.

4 weeks later we were still trading texts and messages. I ran into him the day I got back from LA. I asked him how things were going, and he launched into a monologue "I changing jobs...blah blah...I have to tell my roommate I'm moving...da dat da dat...it's taking me a long time to get over my cold...yada yada...and by the way, I'm getting MARRIED."

"To a man?" I asked, with what was likely a very odd expression.

"No, a woman" he said. "It's complicated."

I would guess so. Our hook-up made it pretty clear he likes the boyz, but I didn't feel I really had any clout to demand an explanation. Which does not mean I don't hope to get the story eventually. And, perhaps, him. He said he'd "catch up with me later".

Which brings us to the trifecta, AKA (e). I met a very sweet guy in LA (the friend of the guy I had seen in SD). We had drinks, made out a bit at Pride, and then had a very nice dinner at Hamburger Mary's, during which our blood alcohol levels went down, but the heat did not. He also had a ring on, and is married to his best female friend. We texted the next couple of days. I didn't hear from him Wed/Thurs, but figured he was busy. So Friday I texted him to say "Hi". Somehow we went from "Can't wait to see you again" to "I have to tell you that I am back with my ex" in 3 days. Gay, married, and taken. How do I find these guys?

Mostly, I think it's time to find those "romantic timing" lessons again. To finish the venting, another guy I met who was busy (with good reason) the next week went from texts of "most def" (Want to have dinner with me?) to fairly incommunicado in an 8 day period during which I didn't see him (so I couldn't have done anything that bad). I don't get it.

I guess I can't say that no one likes me -- they just seem not to like me for very long. Even if they haven't seen me again.

My hopes are currently riding on a good first date late Thursday. Unfortunately, he's not free again until next Thursday. Given the above, I'm already skeptical. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. My ass.


Note: I'm making no value judgments on marriages of convenience in the military. I've never had to deal with those issues. I'll just admit it makes me a little uncomfortable.