Dear Cingular and Papa Johns,

I just wanted to let you know that I can read AND do math, sometimes simultaneously. Also, I have some general knowledge of business practice.

For instance, my experience has been that when one buys in bulk, one pays less per item. So Papa John, I will not be buying Two Large Two Topping pizzas for the privilege of paying a dollar more than twice the price of one Large Pizza w/ Up to Two Toppings.

Honestly.

With regard to your generous offer of a discounted new phone, Cingular, I was touched. That BlackJack for which I've been jonesing for only 149.99. Wow! After almost 5 years as a customer, most recently with two phones, it was nice to know that you placed a value on my "loyalty".


Curiously, though, I saw a recent TV add offering ANYONE a BlackJack for 149.99. By my math:

$149.99 [normal price] - $149.99 [my price] = $0.00 [benefit of loyalty]

I'm less touched. I may have to come get the BlackJack now, though, before you learn business practice from a pizza chain and try to charge me more for loyalty. Or maybe I'll skip the pizza and the phone and donate some money to the school system that leaves anyone susceptible to these offers.

Sincerely,

Doctor Joel