Shopping

I have always enjoyed shopping more than the average man. When I end up in the "How did you NOT know?" conversation, it's usually listed as one of the overlooked clues, along with the fact that I "invented" gray frosting for a cake I made.

www.allsop.com
Today, I went out to look for some things for my new apartment. I started at Circuit City, where I have a coupon from my change of address packet. I was looking for an LCD TV, a small surround sound stereo, and an entertainment center. I like to look by myself first, then grab someone when I have questions or am ready to buy. Usually I have to answer the barrage of "Can I help you with anything" with my tersest "Thanks, I'm just looking for now." Today, no one in a red shirt even looked in my direction. Considering I might be emitting a "Leave me alone" vibe, I went over by the TVs and tried to look needy. Still nothing.

So I went and stood by customer service for about 5 minutes. Two guys were helping one patron with a return. They neither looked in my direction nor offered me a "We'll be right with you." Back to the TV's. Same result.

So, after 1/2 hour, I left. Off to IKEA. On the way, I noticed a CostCo.

www.usatoday.com
I've never been a CostCo guy, but I remembered friends telling me that they have EVERYTHING, including TVs and furntiture. So I thought I'd check it out. I got 3 feet through the door when a woman asked to see my membership card.

"I don't have one," I replied.

"You can't go in without one," she said. In most limited access places, this is where one would receive an invitation to apply for membership. Like an African American at Augusta (El Tigre not withstanding), I received silence.

So I asked, "How would I become a member?"

With a stunned look, she said, "Oh, you just go right over there. Would you be interested?"

"Not in that line," I answered, pointing to the queue of 20 people. "Can I walk around and look at the prices to help me decide?"

Apparently not. So I left. Strike 2.

I then went to IKEA. Nothing specifically bad, though I did discover that the practice of walking and looking in different directions was not as limited to Chinatown as I had hoped. Unfortunately, I'm trying to match some things I have, and nothing there fit the bill. So I had my $1 yogurt and left. On the upside, I didn't buy my usual panoply of cheap shit from the last room. Also, I got the Mustang cleaned yesterday and the weather was nice enough to have the top down.

So Circuit City and CostCo are now "on notice". I have some work to do in the morning -- and then I'm going to Best Buy to see if they'll honor my Circuit City coupon. If not, I may go back, but not to the same one.

www.allsop.com
Does anyone know where I can get a contemporary queen size sofa bed?

Post Script -- I'm writing this as I watch the Sopranos on A & E. The priest got drunk and flirted with Carmela, then spent the night. In the morning she said, "Of all the ?fanut? priests in the world, why did I have to get the one who's straight." Love it. I thought the italics were Italian slang, but I couldn't find it in any of the dictionaries. Now I think A & E just bleeped "fuckin".

A Little Politics

I just finished watching President Bush's State of the Union address, so I thought I'd throw in my two cents.

www.cantonrep.com
President Bush's introduction of my former congresswoman, Madame Speaker (Pelosi), was perfrect. Unfortunately, it set a standard he couldn't keep up. I was folding my wash during the speech, and it was more interesting than his laundry list. My thoughts on the list by topic:

mathforum.org
Economy: Balancing the budget is a winner with me -- the government should be the spender of last resort, and we are not in a depression. More accountability for earmarks (read "PORK") is a good idea, but always seems to come up after your party loses control of the House. Impressive will be if Speaker Pelosi promotes this even though she now has the power. Fixing Social Security and Medicare is a great idea, but would require a plan, which he failed to give. Pleasantly absent was any mention of the magic of tax cuts.



www.raindrop.org
Education: As President Bush patted himself on the back for the No Child Left Behind act, I wanted shots of Sen. Kennedy -- I'm not sure he's as pleased. I also thought it was a little wimpy to say "giving families...the right to choose something better" and not say VOUCHERS.

www.sc.edu
Health Care: I'm taking a "glass 1/2 full", "every little bit helps" approach on this one. I'm not sure why people WITH health insurance need a deduction (sounds like a tax cut for people with jobs and money -- maybe I was wrong above). I guess it's a good incentive to the uninsured, but I doubt it will get the job done. Giving states flexibility is probably a good thing -- Lord knows CA and PA have different issues. Health savings accounts -- Eh? OK. Might help.
Medical liability reform -- hell, yes! In fact, include it as a big part of overall tort reform. Deciding what tests to order is hard enough without pondering potential legal actions. "The best health care decisions are made not by government and insurance companies, but by patients and their doctors." Duh, but thanks for getting it in there. Now make it happen.

www.usdoj.gov
Immigration: I am not, in general, for creating a second class of American citizenship, i.e., guest workers, but I might consider a temporary measure to get some control over the borders. The operative word being temporary. The long term goal needs to be better legal immigration, to some degree matched with true labor needs, and addressing current illegal immigrants and there children, who are often citizens.

www.utsa.edu
Energy: Nice of the President come around to the idea that developing alternative energy sources can decrease our dependence on foreign oil and enhance our national security. The energy goals are good -- I honestly don't know how achievable they are, but they are a start. Americans rise to a challenge, e.g., making it to the moon before 1970. Drilling in ANWR was thankfully only an oblique reference in one sentence. Doubling the strategic petroleum reserves -- why not?


www.ugala.ee
The War on Terror: Maybe it's because I want to believe we're still achieving something with the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, but I thought the litany of disasters averted was the second most effective part of the speech (after Speaker Pelosi's intro). I found the summary of events less engrossing, and trying to claim that "This is not the fight we entered in Iraq" was flat out slippery -- plenty of people more or less predicted EXACTLY this.

cnn.com
Iraq: I, like many, was hoping for a reversal of the surge plan, but I knew it wouldn't happen. Kudos to whomever wrote "whatever you voted for, you did not vote for failure." Great line.
I do want to note, for later arguments with Rush Limbaugh and other conservatives, that the president said: "Our country is pursuing a new strategy in Iraq -- and I ask you to give it a chance to work. AND I ask you to support our troops in the field -- and those on their way." My point -- even the President realizes that these are TWO SEPERATE REQUESTS. You CAN be for the troops and against a given strategy.

The special advisory council could be a good thing, as long as the President listens to it and it isn't packed with Yes-men (and women). I also agree with increasing the size of the Army and Marines -- I just hope that meeting the goals requires allowing homosexuals to enlist. I don't really understand the Civilian Reserve Corps thing, but I'll keep an open mind.

www.traveldocs.com
AIDS/Africa: The more, the better. Mentioning malaria was also a good touch -- I think I see the fingerprints of Dr. Gerberding on it. Some would argue that charity begins at home, and we have a lot of sick people in the US. I agree with the President: "To whom much is given, much is required." In addition, we have some work to do in rebuilding our international reputation, and saving some lives can't hurt. I just wish he would apply that philosophy to taxation and sacrifice in times of war.


The Greatest American Heroes: Dikembe Mutombo and Julie Aigner-Clark have achieved much, and their stories are illustrative of the American dream. I thought they paled a little next to Mr. Autrey and Sgt. Riemen, heroes who have risked their lives for others. They seem larger than life, but hopefully are reminders to us, and the world, of what real Americans do when called to action. Thanks.

I also watched Sen. Webb give the democratic response. He needs to get more comfortable with speaking in front of a camera, but the content and personal story were great. As a moderate, a veteran, and a Democrat from Virginia he's someone to watch.

I also watched MSNBC interview Sen. Clinton, Sen. Obama, and former Sen. Edwards. They impressed me in that order, which is sad, since Sen. Edwards usually comes across well. I was going to include my current analysis of the Democratic Primary, but this is already too long. Look for it soon.

...and cue the Disney!

I am almost certain that I left San Francisco. It gets a little confusing at times, since the TV, couch, and bed are all the same. The apartment and view are clearly different, so I must be in San Diego; but it sure didn't feel like it Thursday.

The morning was fairly uneventful -- I put some stuff away in the apartment and swung by work. Unfortunately, we came up with things to do Friday and Saturday, so my weekend was looking fairly lame. Afterwards, I went to 24 Hour Fitness, and the de ja vu began.

When I was a resident, I worked out at the UCSF gym at Parnassus. There was a very cute, slight, Asian boy with a nice smile who I thought was gorgeous. I must have checked him out 100 times, but I was never sure that he was: (1) gay or (2) into me. So I never said anything to him. I finally ran into him one night in the Castro, and pent up mutual interest was quickly evident. I was leaning in for a kiss (as was he) when I got the Heisman.

Seems he was moving to San Diego for residency and already had a boyfriend there. The relevance of that was discussed at length, but the moment had passed.

So, whom do I run into on my second day at 24 hour fitness? None other. And he remembered me when I said, "Hi." I'm guessing the boyfriend is still around, because we both look the same, but I didn't really feel any sparks. Besides, my timing was right on, as usual -- he's almost done with residency, and is planning to head back to SF or to LA for a job. It was a little odd to run into him, but medicine is a small field. It wasn't like I'd run into some random person I met at a bar once.

Which brings us to Thursday night. Flick's, one of the bars on University, has a free Texas Hold 'Em tournament every Thursday. I was invited by some folks I met last Wednesday, and it was fun, so I went back (and, in all honestly, there was a hottie I was hoping to meet). I hadn't been there a 1/2 hour when I saw someone from SF. We had met at the Academy of Friends Oscar Gala last year, and I had seen him a few times since. I reintroduced myself, and he remembered me. Turns out he just moved here for a new job as well. We started buying each other rounds and talking about SF.

Basically, I moved all the way to San Diego, and the first person I seriously flirted with was someone I met in San Francisco 11 months before.

It's a small, small, world.

Back -- Yes. Better than ever -- at least for one night.

For any of you who were worried, I made it safely to San Diego last Wednesday night, crashed in a hotel, and met my stuff on Thursday morning. Fortunately, the hottest of the Latin boys came with my stuff, so I had good scenery again.

I crashed at my new place Thursday, and put some stuff away Friday morning. That left just enough time to get a haircut and primp before heading off to Palm Springs for the softball tournament.

The tournament, as an event, stunk. They changed it at the last minute from a double to single elimination tournament, which ups the ante a bit. Our first games were Saturday at 8 and 9 PM, in the freezing cold. We won them both. Our last game of "pool" play was Sunday afternoon, and we lost a squeaker -- but it was gorgeous. The playoffs started in the evening (cold again), and we won the first the two games. Then some intimidating lesbian came and told us there would be no further games because the lights had to be shut off.

In the end, we were made co-champions with the other three teams that had made the semis. It was a little disappointing, since we were hitting on all cylinders and trounced the last team we played (who had beaten the team that beat us). But we did get a cut of the prize money to give to an AIDS foundation where one of my teammates worked.

Once the softball drama was behind us, Sunday night took off. We had a great team dinner at Wang's -- the Maniax were a great bunch of guys (and Di). Then we went to Hunter's. Since the games were over and Monday was MLK Day, most of the guys hung out to dance and flirt. I wish I could bottle whatever I had working that night and use some of it later.

Early in the evening, I found the hottest guy in the bar -- at least from my perspective. Tan skin, black hair, gorgeous dark eyes, nice body, and PERFECT smile. As I passed, both our heads turned, and I was about to say something -- until a bunch of guys from SF grabbed me to say "Hi". It was sweet of them, but also a highly effective cock-block.

Fortunately, I found him again later. I tapped him on the shoulder, and said:
"Hi, I saw you earlier, and was planning to flirt with you until all of my friends grabbed me. Can I buy you a drink?" Joel, you sly devil.

He declined the drink, but not until we had stared a bit, pressed fronts, and felt up each others sides. After a brief chat, he had to go across the street with some friends, and I lost him again. The DJ played "Mesmerized", so it was off to the dance floor with some of the hotties from my team.

I found another cutie on the dance floor, and after a little grinding, got his digits. When I went to the bar for another drink, I caught another guy checking me out. He was a trauma nurse, and we started chatting medicine with some of his friends. Soon after we swapped digits, boy #1 showed up and asked if he could still get that drink. At which point I hit a new low. I had to introduce two potential tricks for the evening. It felt like a weird form of the dating game: "Bachelor Number 3, meet Bachelor Number 1."

How good would that bottle be? Since I had been drinking more than he, Bachelor #1 drove me home and stayed for some fun. Despite the fact that I left with #1, Bachelor #3 texted me that night, that morning, and wants to make me a MySpace friend. As to Bachelor #2 -- I can't seem to find his number. The only bad things were that I didn't get to see the LA boy I met at the last tournament, and I didn't get to scope out any of the SD teams.

Now I'm back in SD. All the boxes are empty and, thanks to Craigslist, gone. With helpful input from RottenRyan, I got my cable and wireless internet all hooked up, hence the return to blogging. I even made it to the gym today. Tomorrow, I plan to go by work and make sure everything is set up, hit the gym, maybe do some furniture shopping, and try to make some new friends.

Irreplaceable

"To the left, to the left.
Everything you own
in a box to the left."

Everyone wants to know if I'm "ready" to move. Here's the skinny.
I've been ready to leave my job for some time.
I'm ready to start teaching again, so I'm ready for my new job in San Diego.
I'm ready for the adventure of moving somewhere new.
And I'm not remotely ready to leave San Francisco.

Though watching the movers helped a little.



I wanted to have a Bon Voyage party, but never quite got it together. So JC and Pauly decided I should just have people come to The Mix. I sent out an E-vite Saturday afternoon saying I would be watching football and saying good-byes in the back of The Mix on Sunday.



I was floored by the number of people who came to say good-bye on a day's notice. It was an eclectic crowd, including people from residency, softball players, pool players, bloggers, and current and past (and future?) flames. It's been a long time since I've felt The Love like that. I'm going to steal a page from Kel's blog, and clear up just how I feel about some folks. Get the tissues ready, because I'm going to get sappy. If you thought I wouldn't:

"You must not know 'bout me,
You must not know 'bout me."

Speaking of Kel, my time with the bloggers was too short. Dan and Nick, this includes you. You are brilliant fun people, and life will be boring without you in town. Thank God I have you on-line.

Cailin, Ethan, and Kate, it was so sweet of you to come by. You proved, once again, that bonds forged by 100+ hours/week together can't be broken by time or distance. And I know Jimmi and Warren were there in spirit. Sue, sorry you couldn't make it, but I'll see you soon. I would have changed jobs a year ago if it weren't for you. It's going to be weird to wake up Friday and NOT see you at work. To my favorite Faith Evans look-a-like, thanks for the cake.

Will, Cody, Joe, Horatio, and Geena -- thank you so much (and Aaron, I'm going to group you with the cult, just to churn your stomach). I can't believe I've only been playing softball here for a year and have so many great friends. It was easiest to say good-bye to you, because I know I'll see most of you in Palm Springs next weekend. Then the eye faucets will open up again.

JC, Pauly, Russell, and Roger -- I'll think of you every Tuesday night for a long, long time. Renie getting me to hang out at The Mix has to be one of the best things to ever happen to me. I had no idea that shooting a little pool would allow me to meet the best people in the Castro. And thanks to Gil, Ian, and Charlie who have been more than just bartenders to me.

Phillip, I have no idea what to say to you. I'm glad to know you, and I know I'll see you soon. And thank you for bringing Kyser and Wes around. Jean, thanks for putting me up, and putting up with me. I'm still not sure how I met my partner in crime at a straight poker game.

Finally...Chad, you get your own paragraph. You are living proof that telling nasty jokes can have benefits. I can't actually separate you and San Francisco in my mind. For you SAT folks, an analogy: Chad Fox is to San Francisco as Charlie is to Badlands. You are the heart and soul of the place, and it would never be the same without you. You're stuck with me as family. I saw this today, and it made me think of you. Especially since it was graffiti on the sidewalk.


I've got a two bedroom condo in San Diego, so there's room for visitors. And the guest bathtub has whirlpool jets. I hope to host any and all of you soon.

And EVERY second:
"get to thinking that you're irreplaceable."

Because you all are.

DANGER: Sentimental Retrospective

"I saw my life this morning,
lying at the bottom of a drawer.
All this stuff I'm saving,
God knows what this junk is for."

I'm a pack rat. I admit it. Every six months or so I grab something I desperately need out of the back of the closet, and can therefore justify saving an inordinate amount of crap for another year. Or until I move.

Before the hot Latin boys came to pack up my stuff, I went through most of it trying to throw things away. Overall, I think I did pretty well. Three garbage bags full of clothes are not going to San Diego with me.


I also managed to move into the 21st century with my journals. Doctors used to save their journals, and when they got a senior university job the department would pay to have them bound. Now, it's just a pain in the ass to save them, and they're all on line. So I ditched about 4 years worth of medical journals, too. (I ended up keeping the Gourmets.)


I also had to dig through my closet. Even though I came out of it in Atlanta, there's still plenty of crap in it. Some of it didn't make the cut for the San Diego trip.


"I saw you this morning,
you were looking straight at me,
from an ancient photograph
stuck between some letters and some keys"

I also went through my files -- even the one marked "random sentimental stuff". Mixed in with the hundreds of blond jokes and the medical school lecture run through the "jive filter", I found this, possibly my favorite picture of me ever taken:


The little creature in my arms is my oldest niece. My sister-in-law took shot this in 1997, and used it in a calendar that had a different picture of my niece every month. All of my brother's gay friends called me "Mr. May" for quite a while. Unfortunately, I was still seeing women and they were in Boston, so nothing much ever came of it.

Running a close second is this picture of me, with quite possibly the hottest woman who ever wanted to sleep with me. She worked with/for me in the lab, so I never let it happen, and it was a messy friendship at times. But she was a class act, and stayed friends with me right through my coming out. Sadly, I haven't talked to her in years.


Our last stop on memory lane comes from my colleagues at Emory. They had me pegged as a rabble rouser from the beginning, and gave me this award during my MD/PhD training. I try to live up to it.



To sum up my packing day:

"I was lost, for a moment,
in the ache of old goodbyes.
Sometimes all that we can know is
there's no such thing as no regrets,
baby it's all right."

I realize I never gave the answer to the last musical quiz. "I Have Found Me a Home" is a Jimmy Buffett song. I fully expect him to rise back to the top of my CD rack as I bask in the warm weather and sunshine in San Diego.

All of the quotes in this post are from the same song. Any takers?

They're Coming to Take Me Away, Ha-Ha

The movers are on their way, and in a few hours all my stuff will be on a big truck to San Diego. Things actually started yesterday, when a "crater" came to measure my flat screen TV. It was pretty slick -- they built a crate to fit right at my apartment. I think it is now more likely to make in to SD intact than most of my stuff -- like the wine.



I'm going to be in SF a couple more days at least. If you're in town, I'm going to hang out at the Mix tomorrow afternoon to meet friends and watch football.

PS -- Fear not. The gratuitously sentimental good-bye posts are half-written and on their way.

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

Or vice versa. Sometimes it's hard to tell.

I got home from work (T minus 2 days and counting), turned on the Orange Bowl, and checked my e-mail. Then, I decided to buzz by cnn.com.


On the main page was Ex-Joint Chiefs chairman: Military ready for gays. The story detailed a New York Times opinion piece by Gen. John Shalikashvili stating that he no longer opposes allowing gays and lesbians to serve openly in the military. He's not the first former military person to say this, but he is one of the most well known and highest ranking. Unfortunately, he also admitted that it probably wouldn't be a good idea to push it early in the new Congress.

I then checked the Politics page, and found Massachusetts same-sex marriage ban advances. For those of you haven't followed this, a brief review:

Nov. 2003 - Supreme Court of Massachusetts rules that preventing gay couples from marrying is unconstitutional and demands a legislative remedy.
Feb. 2004 - Supreme Court clarifies that they mean MARRIAGE, not civil unions
May 2004 - Legal and recognized gay marriages begin in Massachusetts
March 2006 - Supreme Court rules non-resident gays cannot be married, based on an arcane law from 1913
December 2006 - Supreme Court rules that it does not have the authority to force the legislature to act on a proposed constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage (but does it's best to shame them into doing it)



Apparently the Court succeeded, because the Massachusetts legislature voted on the measure today. Since 62 legislators endorsed the measure (though 134 opposed it), it will be continued and voted on again next year. Honestly, I haven't caught up on all the legalities of this yet, but the amendment ain't dead yet.

In reality, these were both probably symbolic events -- nobody gained or lost rights today. Even the MA amendment would have to go through the legislature and a state ballot to pass. But it would be nice to see everything pointing in the same direction at some point. And I still don't understand why the same people who want to export freedom to other coutries tend to stand up for discrimination here.