Overheard in Erie

Two of my favorite quick reads are Top Ten lists from David Letterman and the Perspectives page in Newsweek. As the button in the last entry suggested, Erie is a weird place. Combine that with my family members, who tend to talk before they think, and you get some interesting statements. Here are the Top Ten things I overheard while at home in Erie, with pictures and/or stories where they seemed amusing or appropriate.

10. "The nun warmed up when we wanted the liquor."
This one is from my parents' trip to Germany, during which they went to an historic convent. What's even worse is that my ears (and foul mind) heard "wanted to lick 'er" before my brain fully processed the sentence.

9. "Johnson and Flick"
This is actually the name of a tire service center in Erie. My father swears people periodically spray paint between the l and i so it spells, well, you know. (These same people took the l out of the Public Dock sign so often they changed the name to Dobbin's Landing.) Only in Erie would people cum to Johnson and Flick for a rotation, oil change, or lube job.

8. "It sucked. It really sucked."
This one is actually sad, but is included for the sheer oddness. It's from an interview with an Erie-ite whose family member was a crime victim.

7. "People Pizza and Doggie Pizza"
This was actually the name on a business. It was abandoned. Apparently dogs can't order pizza for themselves. Or, perhaps, they prefer Chinese.

6. "That was made by the same glass maker we watched blow the thing on the mantle that looks like a penis."
I love my Dad. That refers to a Cartesian diver in a soda bottle. If you squeeze the bottle, the pressure changes, the glass figure takes on water, and the figure sinks. The thing that "looks like a penis" is below.

5. "Actually, we didn't watch him blow the one on the mantle. He was blowing something else."
Apparently, our glass maker is a bit promiscuous.

4. ????????
There was something really funny I saw with my Dad on Bravo. Or something we made funny. When I jotted it down on my list, I just wrote "Bravo TV". I was sure I'd remember why. If I think of it, I'll add it later. Now if only I could remember why I have this string on my finger.

3.1416... "My back still hurts."
My 7-year-old niece, in reference to the picture above, taken some years ago. This is to make up for #4, and because I like to include pi (It's my pat answer when asked for a number between 1 and 10). She is also well known for telling her teacher, who wanted to punish her, that "Jesus already died for my sins". At age 5. I'm almost as proud as her Daddy, the priest.

3. Me: "What's that thing on your table?"
Dad: "That's EneMan!"
The pharmaceutical companies (at least Fleet) have gone too far this time. The pictures say it all. If I can get my Dad to part with him, I have a special recipient in mind.
2. "It's an old farm house. There is a cute little bridge over a creek. [The nuns] live there and service the people."
Mom meant to say minister to, but the only word that came to mind was service. Amazing how one word can make a wholesome community institution sound like a brothel.

1. "That's the most convoluted way of delivering the bone I've ever heard."
Dad again, at his favorite steak restaurant. It was actually part of a seemingly normal conversation about someone who had saved a steak bone for a friend's sister's dog (or something like that). It didn't stay in context long, and a discussion of possibly more convulted ways commenced, starting with the Kama Sutra.

'Ta for now.